Back to the Basics

God be merciful to me on thy grace, I rest my plea

Plenteous in compassion thou blot out my transgressions now

Wash me, make me pure within cleanse, oh, cleanse me from my sin

My transgressions I confess grief and guilt my soul oppress

I have sinned against thy grace and provoked Thee to Thy face

I confess Thy judgment just speechless, I, Thy mercy trust

I am evil born in sin Thou desirest truth within

Thou alone my Savior art

teach Thy wisdom to my heart

Make me pure, Thy grace bestow wash me whiter than the snow

Gracious God, my heart renew make my spirit right and true
Thy salvation's joy impart steadfast make my willing heart
steadfast make my willing heart

Broken, humbled to the dust by Thy wrath and judgment just
Let my contrite heart rejoice and in gladness hear Thy voice
From my sins, oh, hide Thy face blot them out in boundless grace

I was reminded of this hymn the other day as I was staring out my window at ALL the snow. I love it when it snows. I love the way that it makes everything look clean, new and beautiful. I love that it reminds me of what my Savior did for me... that I am washed whiter then the snow. What a simple truth and something that, all to quickly, I sometimes forget.

As I look at this little life that I am taking care of daily I am all to often struck that although I think he is perfect he is still sinful. I am praying daily for the day that he realizes that and commits his heart to our Savior. This has been my prayer in the wee hours of the morning as I sit there alone in the peaceful quiet surrounded by snow. Jesus, please make my little babies heart whiter then the snow.

Taft William Ericksen

So I know this is way late but I finally feel like I am able to do something else besides feed, change, sleep watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy and take care of a newborn. No one really tells you how hard those first couple of weeks are...well they are HARD! I feel like I can see the clearing in the woods and am loving being a mom! I mean how can you not love this face?

I wanted to write about the birth while I could still remember it. It definitly did not go as I had planned but in the end I got a healthy baby boy.

So on December 28th I went in for my weekly appointment. The nurse checked my blood pressure and made a face..."wow, your blood pressure is high." "Has it been like this before?". No, I said I have always had great blood pressure (which is true) She left the room and the next thing I know the doctor came in and gave me a smile...The type of smile that lets you know everything is not ok but she wants you to think it is. She proceeded to tell me that my blood pressure was too high and they were not comfortable with me leaving or with the baby staying inside of me and that I was being addmitted today and probably having the baby tomorrow. Um WHAT!?! I told her I was planning on going to work, that I had meetings, that I had none of my stuff or my husband! Then I started to cry. It is weird to walk into a place thinking that you are there for one reason and realize that your not leaving because of a totally different reason and one that your not sure your ready for yet...I mean I still had 5 days till my due date! She checked me and said, "wow...you have a small pelvis and your not really dialated or effaced at all." Thank you for the vote of confidence doctor!

After she left I called Stephen to give him the news. Needless to say he was a little taken back but jumped into gear, left work and headed home to collect all our things for the hospital. Meanwhile I walked down to labor and delivery and checked in.

After running some tests and doing 4 ultrasounds they told me that my fluid levels were low...like a 2! Apparently 5 is when they start to worry so I was sending them into a tissy with my 2. My blood pressure meanwhile was back to normal and I didn't have preeclampsia. Which was good news. I tried to push to leave but in the end decided that it would be safer for me and my baby to stay. Here is where the fun started. Because my fluid was so low they decided that I needed to be induced but because my body was not ready yet (not dialated for really effaced) they couldn't start pitocin because that would just start contractions but the baby would have no where to go. So they had to start me on a medicine (cervadil) that would soften my cervix. Long story short... 2 days and 6 doses of medicine later they were ready to start pitocin to get labor started.

At around 9pm on Thursday, December 30th I started labor. It was long and hard but I was proud of myself for at least getting to do part of my birth plan and not have an epidural. Stephen was amazing! I could not have done it without him. He was my focus and my encouragement. At 6am I was ready to start pushing and it was a welcomed relief. I pushed for almost 3 hours and pushed so hard that my face turned black and blue and I popped blood vessels in my eyes! When the doctor finally came back in she told me that she didn't think the baby would come out. He was head down but his face was up and he seemed to be stuck. By this point I was exhausted and ready to be done. Stephen and I tried a could more times and I got on my hands and knees to push and try and get the baby to move positions but it just wasn't working. The doctor said that she had never seen someone push so well and so hard. She told me that I did everything I could do but the baby just wasn't moving. At this point we decided to do a c-section. I was so upset but knew that there was nothing I could do. They got me ready for surgery and wheeled me in. Stephen was in there with me and watched the entire thing. He said that when the doctor reached in to grab Taft she was elbow deep and she had to have a nurse push on him from the other end to pop him out of my pelvis in order for her to get him. I guess I did push pretty hard because this is what he came out looking like...

Nice ledge there, Taft!

We stayed in the hospital till Sunday and then got to go home. I was so happy to go home!! My parents had come up on the 28th so they were there to welcome us as we walked through the door. The first few weeks were a blur and hard but I am loving being a mom and taking care of this sweet little boy. Welcome Taft!! You are so very loved.





To name or not to name...

This past weekend Stephen and I went up to the Northwoods of Wisconsin for a get-away/lets take time to actually name our son. Family friends of ours have a cabin about a mile away from Honey Rock (the camp that Stephen and I both went to as a child and I also worked at through college).

Our friends cabin sits on Long Lake and is surrounded by woods. This was our view for the weekend.

I always forget how beautiful it is up there. I love the slow pace of life and that its a big deal to "go into town"...like an event. I just love that! We pretty much stayed put the entire weekend. Sitting in front of the fire, reading and talking was what we did. Friday afternoon we headed into Three Lakes (the town) to pick up french bread for dinner. We also stopped at a used book store and looked through the kid's books. We found a ton of books that brought back memories from when we were kids. Like this one...

 

We grabbed this and also walked away with 6 other books. 

Saturday we walked over to Honey Rock and spent 2 hours walking around and talking about our camp experience and revisiting all our favorite places around camp. 

 

 It was crazy to see how much things have changed there but also comforting to see some old familiar things that have not changed a bit. Honey Rock had a big impact on both of our lives. It really helped define and create Stephen's love for the outdoors as well as mine but on a deeper level... for me it was when I really experienced what a true relationship with the Lord was. Walking around I could remember specific conversations, relationships, people that impacted my life and ultimately demonstrated to me what being a Christ follower truly was. I also remembered some painful times in my life that I experience while I was there but also times of great joy. It was so amazing to be there with my husband and reflect on where we were at those times in our life and see where we are now. We chuckled thinking about how we would hopefully be walking around with our kids one day hearing about all their experiences at camp. Notice the paved road!

So that brings us to the other part of our trip...naming our child! I am sad to say that we still do not have a name picked out. Let's just plop that one at the top of our "to do list". We did narrow down some names that we liked but as far as one standing out and having that moment of "that's IT"...Lets just say that didn't really happen. I am hoping it will just come to us at some point. Maybe during birth?

32 weeks and counting...

Today I am 32 weeks pregnant. That means I have 7 weeks, give or take, left until we meet this little boy...can you believe it?!?! Because I can't. I think I have reached the point of panic (which I said I wouldn't) where I am realizing everything that I have left to do. Lets just name a few...put the crib together, finish the nursery, Christmas shop, pack my hospital bag, get the car seat, get some nursing bras, write out the birth plan, PICK A NAME! Not to mention keep reading and preparing myself for being a mom. I think I need to take a 7 week vacation so that I can get this all done.
Now lets revisit a time when I didn't have a care in the world and was just happily going about my day being pregnant...Here are some pregnancy pics from 23 weeks that my amazingly creative talented brother in law Weston took for me!. Look how happy and non-stressed I am : )

 

 Thank you Weston! It was so fun to see pics of my belly.
(Disclaimer: Now I realize that I am being dramatic and that all you other moms before me have been at this point and done just fine. I know I will get done what needs to be done and what isn't done will just have to wait and all will be fine...just don't tell me that everything will be fine...I don't want to hear that right now!)

Friendship

A couple weekends ago my friend Courtney flew into Chicago for a weekend visit from Dallas. Courtney is one of the most amazing people I know...no, I'm serious! She has a heart for changing the world and making all those around her aware of her passions and what Christs calls us to do. She has taken on some big challenges but the Lord has blessed her in all that she does. She is also famous...as the host for the Revolve Tour  .She is amazing at this! I have gotten to see her in action once on tour and it was an awesome experience.Courtney and her hus, Michael, used to live in Geneva and lets just say the 4 of us had more then are fair share of fun together! If I had to sum up two people in one word it would be "REAL". These two are nothing but legit when it comes to who they are and their faith. I love that about them!  Both Michael and Courtney are such a blessing to Stephen and I and a constant reminder of God's faithfulness and love to us.

Courtney is one of those friends that just knows me. She knows the good, the bad, and the crazy. It is hard for me to have her so far away especially when I am terrible at talking on the phone! I always cherish the times I have with her because I feel like it rejuvenates my soul and reminds me what true friendships really are.

  

She is also very excited about this little baby inside of me. It was fun to talk all things pregnancy with her and have her be a part of this big change in my life. I just wish she were here everyday to experience it with me. She also gave us 3 amazing children's books that I am so excited about! I can't wait to read them to our little guy : ) Thank you Courtney and Michael for your amazing friendship!!! You always have a home in Geneva! We love you guys so much!!

30! Here's to another decade.

So, I turned 30! Yes, 30! I am still getting used to saying that and it feels a little weird. I am actually excited about being in my 30's. I am excited for new adventures and new discoveries. As I was reflecting on my 20's I realized a lot of significant things happened in those years that shaped who I am today. College, life long friendships, NOLS, having my heart broken, Honey Rock, meeting Stephen, marriage, adventures, trips, getting pregnant. In no way do I consider this everything, just some of the big things that stood out to me. My mom also posted a pictures of me just a couple hours after I was born

I couldn't help but think that this will be me in 3 months...holding my first born. My mom was the same age as I am now when she had me. So here's to 30! I hope the next 10 years are even better then these last.

Happy 5 year!

Stephen and I just got back from spending almost 2 weeks in Door County (more pictures of our vaca to come!). While we were there we celebrated 5 years of marriage. I love that we return to the spot that we got married every year for our anniversary. It brings back such great memories. 

This year of celebrating seemed even more special as we know it is our last year of just the two of us. The day started with some coffee and breakfast in bed...brought to me by my sweet love...along with a card and some daisies (my favorite flower). We spend the day on the beach and then went out for a drive around Door County. We came back, showered and got ready for dinner. Stephen took me to the Inn at Kristopher's...one of my favorite restaurants up there. He had written out a list of highlights from the last 5 years and as we sat there having dinner and listening to the live music we talked about everything that we had done. He also surprised me with a trip back up to Door County to stay at the bed and breakfast we went to on our wedding night. I surprised him with tickets to go and see one of our favorite bands Mumford and Sons!
I am so thankful for my husband! I can't imagine these last 5 years without him and I am so looking forward to this next adventure in our life and the new joys that it will bring. He has been such an encouragement to me and I have seen so much growth in him over these last 5 years. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I love you Stephen!