Wednesday, February 16, 2011

You say goodbye, I say hello

On Monday, February 14th I drove to my job as Outreach and Sports Ministries Assistant for the last time.
Monday was the end of my 6 week short term disibility leave and Stephen and I had decided that my newjob would be a stay at home mom! It was so weird to see such a clear end to one stage of my life and a clearbeginning of the new stage. I feel like that can be rare thing in life as sometimes our stages of live blend together.
I can't say that I won't miss that job because I will. I loved that job! But I also can't say that I would give up this new one. I love it too...of course it has its moments but the old job had its moments as well.
Working at Christ Community Church was such a big part of my life. I met a lot of close friends there, was challenged and developed by people there and learned a lot about church ministry and myself by working there.

Courtney and I

Erin, me and Courtney

Me, Ang and Court

My amazing small group

It was weird to clean out my desk and say goodbye but I am glad that its not a forever goodbye. We will still be a part of this church and I am looking forward to having more of a clear definition between work and worship.
So hello motherhood! I am ready to jump in and do my best.

Friday, February 11, 2011

No naps, No sleep not a nice mommy

Yesterday was by far one of the hardest days yet. Just when you think you are getting the hang of this whole "being a mom" thing you are humbled and realize your still getting to know each other. Taft decided that yesterday he would not take naps...none. If I did lay him down he would just scream and cry or just sit there wide awake. I know its ok to let them cry and I know its ok for him to just sit there. But all that not naping during the day made for a fussy very sleepy little man at night. Lets just say at one point I needed to leave the room, take a deep breath and remind myself how much I love this little person...does that make me a bad mom? I felt like one yesterday.

Right now he is sleeping while I am enjoying a nice warm cup of coffee. Here is to another day! I can do this!

Snow Day

Last week we got hit with a crazy snow storm. We got over 24 inch of snow and it was beautiful and amazing. I have never seen that much snow in my life! Stephen was off of work for the day so we spent our time in front of the fire, having dinner with friends and also ventured out for a walk. 

                                                                          Our Street

Monday, February 7, 2011

Back to the Basics

God be merciful to me on thy grace, I rest my plea
Plenteous in compassion thou blot out my transgressions now
Wash me, make me pure within cleanse, oh, cleanse me from my sin

My transgressions I confess grief and guilt my soul oppress
I have sinned against thy grace and provoked Thee to Thy face
I confess Thy judgment just speechless, I, Thy mercy trust

I am evil born in sin Thou desirest truth within
Thou alone my Savior art
teach Thy wisdom to my heart
Make me pure, Thy grace bestow wash me whiter than the snow

Gracious God, my heart renew make my spirit right and true
Thy salvation's joy impart steadfast make my willing heart
steadfast make my willing heart

Broken, humbled to the dust by Thy wrath and judgment just
Let my contrite heart rejoice and in gladness hear Thy voice
From my sins, oh, hide Thy face blot them out in boundless grace

I was reminded of this hymn the other day as I was staring out my window at ALL the snow. I love it when it snows. I love the way that it makes everything look clean, new and beautiful. I love that it reminds me of what my Savior did for me... that I am washed whiter then the snow. What a simple truth and something that, all to quickly, I sometimes forget.

As I look at this little life that I am taking care of daily I am all to often struck that although I think he is perfect he is still sinful. I am praying daily for the day that he realizes that and commits his heart to our Savior. This has been my prayer in the wee hours of the morning as I sit there alone in the peaceful quiet surrounded by snow. Jesus, please make my little babies heart whiter then the snow.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Taft William Ericksen

So I know this is way late but I finally feel like I am able to do something else besides feed, change, sleep watch reruns of Grey's Anatomy and take care of a newborn. No one really tells you how hard those first couple of weeks are...well they are HARD! I feel like I can see the clearing in the woods and am loving being a mom! I mean how can you not love this face?
I wanted to write about the birth while I could still remember it. It definitly did not go as I had planned but in the end I got a healthy baby boy.
So on December 28th I went in for my weekly appointment. The nurse checked my blood pressure and made a face..."wow, your blood pressure is high." "Has it been like this before?". No, I said I have always had great blood pressure (which is true) She left the room and the next thing I know the doctor came in and gave me a smile...The type of smile that lets you know everything is not ok but she wants you to think it is. She proceeded to tell me that my blood pressure was too high and they were not comfortable with me leaving or with the baby staying inside of me and that I was being addmitted today and probably having the baby tomorrow. Um WHAT!?! I told her I was planning on going to work, that I had meetings, that I had none of my stuff or my husband! Then I started to cry. It is weird to walk into a place thinking that you are there for one reason and realize that your not leaving because of a totally different reason and one that your not sure your ready for yet...I mean I still had 5 days till my due date! She checked me and said, " have a small pelvis and your not really dialated or effaced at all." Thank you for the vote of confidence doctor!
After she left I called Stephen to give him the news. Needless to say he was a little taken back but jumped into gear, left work and headed home to collect all our things for the hospital. Meanwhile I walked down to labor and delivery and checked in.
After running some tests and doing 4 ultrasounds they told me that my fluid levels were a 2! Apparently 5 is when they start to worry so I was sending them into a tissy with my 2. My blood pressure meanwhile was back to normal and I didn't have preeclampsia. Which was good news. I tried to push to leave but in the end decided that it would be safer for me and my baby to stay. Here is where the fun started. Because my fluid was so low they decided that I needed to be induced but because my body was not ready yet (not dialated for really effaced) they couldn't start pitocin because that would just start contractions but the baby would have no where to go. So they had to start me on a medicine (cervadil) that would soften my cervix. Long story short... 2 days and 6 doses of medicine later they were ready to start pitocin to get labor started.

At around 9pm on Thursday, December 30th I started labor. It was long and hard but I was proud of myself for at least getting to do part of my birth plan and not have an epidural. Stephen was amazing! I could not have done it without him. He was my focus and my encouragement. At 6am I was ready to start pushing and it was a welcomed relief. I pushed for almost 3 hours and pushed so hard that my face turned black and blue and I popped blood vessels in my eyes! When the doctor finally came back in she told me that she didn't think the baby would come out. He was head down but his face was up and he seemed to be stuck. By this point I was exhausted and ready to be done. Stephen and I tried a could more times and I got on my hands and knees to push and try and get the baby to move positions but it just wasn't working. The doctor said that she had never seen someone push so well and so hard. She told me that I did everything I could do but the baby just wasn't moving. At this point we decided to do a c-section. I was so upset but knew that there was nothing I could do. They got me ready for surgery and wheeled me in. Stephen was in there with me and watched the entire thing. He said that when the doctor reached in to grab Taft she was elbow deep and she had to have a nurse push on him from the other end to pop him out of my pelvis in order for her to get him. I guess I did push pretty hard because this is what he came out looking like...

Nice ledge there, Taft!
We stayed in the hospital till Sunday and then got to go home. I was so happy to go home!! My parents had come up on the 28th so they were there to welcome us as we walked through the door. The first few weeks were a blur and hard but I am loving being a mom and taking care of this sweet little boy. Welcome Taft!! You are so very loved.